So, at the barn I ride at, I ride this AMAZING horse named Madison. She's my love, my life, and she holds my heart in her ... hooves.
But things have happened, and she was worked so much over the summer in summer camps that by the last week of summer camps she acted like it was hard for her to even hold her head above her withers, when she used to be so spirited I was the only on e that was allowed to ride her, she threw a couple kids. But because she was worked so much, as much as I love her, I couldn't bear riding her, I felt guilty for making her work every second I was on her, and couldn't take it any more, and I quit.
I quit riding her, and rode for about a month and a half more, on different horses, and didn't-click-with any of them. Everyone had to be careful of what they said around me, because at the very mention of riding Madi or asking how she was, all my built up feelings would overflow. So I quit.
About another month and a half later, My instructor called to see if I would take lessons again. Summer camps were over, so Madi wouldn't have as much work, so I told her I'd think about it and call her the next day. When I left, my friend Julia began riding Madison, and leased her in september, and, and without explanation, as much as I didn't want to be, I was angry all the time, and jealous, and sad and pitying myself all at once. I didn't know why I felt like it, and I couldn't explain it, and then I felt extremely guilty for being jealous.
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So the next day I called Susan back, and my first question?
"How would you determine who would ride who?"
She told me that if I rode Madi in the advanced jumping lesson, like I have for the past year, I would have to alternate with Julia on Madi. If I rode in the beginner jumping lesson, I could have her every week. She really wanted me to take private lessons, and then I could ride Madi, but they're WAY to expensive at my barn-$ 50 an hour is rediculous. The 6:15 (beginner) at the time was too early for me because of babysitting, so I had to go with the 7:30 (advanced).
She said I could alternate, right?
WRONG.
Julia rode Madison for the first 3 weeks, even though Susan said I could ride her first. I rode her for two weeks - by default, Julia switched lessons! The fourth week, Julia was STILL suppossed to ride Madi, and as I started to get on the horse I was riding, Susan told me I could ride Madi. Twice I've ridden her, in the past four months. Oh, wait, I rode her for a drill team at the open house. But still.
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So then Susan decides to switch our lesson. She's putting us at the 6:15. The first week of it I got to ride Madi (one of the two lessons I've ridden her in), because the woman that was suppossed to ride her wasn't there. So, again, it was by default. This week, the woman was back, and she got Madi, which I wasn't TOO upset by because I'd ridden her last week. And then she told me that she wanted me to ride Ban in the lesson from now on, and I told her no.
First - I ride in the 6:15 now. She told me before I came back that if I rode in the 6:15 that I could ride Madi every week. If she didn't mean it, she shouldn't have said it. If she had told me the truth flat out, it wouldn't have hurt so much. If I couldn't ride Madi, she shouldn't have TOLD ME I could.
Second - She knows that the only reason I'm riding again is Madi - it couldn't be more obvious. If I wasn't going to get to ride Madi, she should have told me, because I can get the same instruction elsewhere, without the pain of seeing Madi 4 times a week.
pets question and answers,www.5d2d.com
How do I let go of her? I think about her when I'm not with her - when I'm with her too! I know she's not mine and probably never will be but it feels like it and I just love her more than anything in the world, more than my own life, and I know it's better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all, but whenever I tell myself that every day, I find myself wishing I had never even met the horse, after all, it would have saved me a lot of pain. I just don't know how I can leave her ... it just hurts so much.
PS I know this is kind of a vent but I really do need advice!
I am a riding instructor and we had a similar problem with one of my students a few months ago when she got depressed and angry and quit riding because we sold the horse she loved. Bottom line, don't get attached to animals that you don't own. As an instructor, when I am assigning horses to students for the day, I have to pair horses and riders the best I can to make the whole day run smoothly. So bottom line, get over yourself, enjoy the days you do get to ride the horse you enjoy, and most importantly, soak up as much knowledge and skill as you can from your instructor. After all, that's why you take lessons, right?
Than she shouldn't have told me when I came back that I could ride her, I don't learn ANYTHING at this barn, AND she moved us to the beginner lesson - which I 've already taken. So she's not going to teach me anything new.
